Being Mindful of Violence in Relationships: Recognizing the Signs and Reclaiming Your Voice

Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and emotional safety. They allow us to grow, to feel seen and valued, and to be our full selves without fear. But when a relationship—romantic or otherwise—becomes a place of control, fear, or harm, it’s time to pause and reflect.

Violence in relationships isn’t always loud or obvious. It can come in many forms: physical, verbal, emotional, mental—even financial or digital. Being mindful of these patterns, especially the subtle ones, is the first step toward reclaiming your sense of worth and safety.

What Is Relationship Violence?

Relationship violence—often referred to as abuse—happens when one person uses power or control to hurt or manipulate another. It can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, background, or relationship status.

There are many forms of abuse, and each one can leave deep emotional and psychological scars:

1. Verbal Abuse

• Name-calling, yelling, or constant criticism

• Sarcasm or “jokes” that belittle you

• Blaming you for things that aren’t your fault

• Threats or intimidation

2. Emotional & Mental Abuse

• Gaslighting: making you doubt your memories or reality

• Isolation: keeping you away from friends or family

• Controlling your choices, appearance, or daily activities

• Making you feel like you’re “too sensitive” or always wrong

3. Physical Abuse

• Hitting, pushing, grabbing, or other forms of physical harm

• Blocking your way or using objects to intimidate

• Destroying your belongings

• Threats of harm to you, your children, or your pets

4. Other Forms

• Sexual abuse: Any sexual activity without your clear, ongoing consent

• Financial abuse: Controlling your money or access to resources

• Digital abuse: Monitoring your phone, social media, or online activity

Why It's Hard to See Sometimes

Abuse often begins subtly. It might look like intense love or protectiveness at first. Over time, small red flags become larger patterns. Because these relationships can also include moments of kindness or apology, it’s easy to feel confused or even blame yourself.

Let’s be clear: You are not to blame. Abuse is never your fault, and you do not have to “earn” basic respect or safety.

Being Mindful: Questions to Ask Yourself

• Do I feel safe expressing myself in this relationship?

• Do I often feel anxious or afraid around this person?

• Am I walking on eggshells to avoid setting them off?

• Have I been isolated from friends, family, or support systems?

• Do I feel controlled, manipulated, or constantly criticized?

If any of these resonate with you, know that your feelings are valid. You don’t have to minimize them or brush them aside.

Taking Care of Yourself

If you’re recognizing unhealthy or abusive behavior, here are some steps you can begin taking:

1. Trust Your Gut
If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Your intuition is powerful and worth listening to.

2. Talk to Someone You Trust
Whether it’s a friend, family member, counselor, or support organization—opening up can bring clarity and support.

3. Create a Safety Plan (If Needed)
If you’re in immediate danger or planning to leave an abusive situation, it’s important to plan ahead safely. There are trained professionals who can help.

4. Seek Professional Help
Healing from abuse takes time, and you don’t have to do it alone. Therapists, coaches, and support groups can offer tools and a safe space to heal.

You Deserve Better

You deserve relationships where you feel safe, supported, and respected. Where your voice is heard, your boundaries honored, and your presence valued.

If you’re reading this and recognizing your own experience, know this: there is hope, and there is help. Taking the first step toward healing is an act of courage—and it’s one you are fully capable of making.

Resources for Support
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please consider reaching out to:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-799-7233 or thehotline.org

• Text “START” to 88788 to connect with a trained advocate

• Local shelters, advocacy centers, or counseling services in your area

Being mindful of violence in relationships is about awareness, compassion, and empowerment. It’s not always easy to face, but you are not alone—and you are never without options.

You deserve peace. You deserve respect. You deserve love that uplifts, not love that harms.

If you’re part of our coaching community and need support navigating difficult relationship dynamics, we’re here for you with care, confidentiality, and compassion. You matter. Your safety matters. And healing is always possible.