Rediscovering Who You Are When the Nest Empties

In a world where women often find their identity tied to the roles they play, Erica Tatum's conversation with Dr. Brooks Deming on the Off Balance podcast offers a refreshing perspective on rediscovering who you are beyond being a mom, wife, or caregiver. As an empty nester for two years, Erica shares her journey of facing that pivotal moment when her adult children left home, leaving her with a profound question: Would this be the end of an era or the beginning of a new chapter?

The empty nester transition represents a significant emotional journey that many women navigate silently. As Erica describes it, this phase forces women to confront a rollercoaster of emotions from joy seeing their children flourish to grief over the loss of their daily maternal role. What makes this transition particularly challenging is that for years, many women have defined themselves primarily through their roles rather than their inherent identity. "We forget, as mothers and wives, about ourselves," Erica notes, highlighting how easily women lose sight of who they are beyond the titles they carry.

Perhaps the most powerful message from Erica's story is the importance of rediscovering your identity in Christ during this transition. She emphasizes that true transformation begins when you reconnect with God's vision for your life rather than the expectations others have placed on you. "You have to have private moments with God for him to talk to you, for him to remind you what his word says," Erica explains. This spiritual foundation provides the confidence to walk boldly in your purpose, regardless of what others think you should be doing.

Creating safe spaces for healing emerges as another crucial element in Erica's journey. She defines a safe space not primarily as a physical location but as "the posture of your heart,"  showing up authentically, being fully present, listening without judgment, and offering honest feedback. This concept extends beyond personal growth to encompass how we interact with others, particularly during vulnerable periods of transition. By cultivating environments where people feel seen and heard without fear of judgment, we create opportunities for collective healing and growth.

The conversation also tackles the practical challenges of balancing faith, family, and business. Erica's approach centers on understanding which "plate" needs the most attention each day while giving herself grace when perfect balance proves impossible. Setting non-negotiable boundaries around sacred time emerges as a critical strategy, one that is particularly significant for women who often prioritize everyone else's needs above their own. As Erica powerfully states, "It's not being selfish. You have to make sure that yourself is full before you can pour into anyone else."

Self-care represents another vital component of rediscovery. Erica encourages women to revisit activities they enjoyed before becoming mothers and wives, such as walking, sitting by the water, or exploring new hobbies. These moments of self-nurturing aren't merely indulgences but essential practices that prevent resentment and burnout. Dr. Brooks shared her personal experience of returning to running after abandoning it for years, discovering that reclaiming this joy significantly improved her overall well-being and relationships.

The conversation concludes with a powerful reminder about evaluating relationships. Erica suggests asking, "How is this relationship developing me? Is it reciprocal?" This assessment helps determine which connections truly nurture your growth versus those that may have served their purpose in a previous season. The message is clear: it's okay, even necessary, to outgrow certain relationships as you evolve, and ending relationships doesn't always require conflict or animosity.

Erica's parting wisdom encapsulates the essence of her journey: "If you get up every single day with breath in your lungs, that means you still have a purpose on earth. You were made on purpose for a purpose." This affirmation serves as both comfort and challenge to anyone navigating life transitions, a reminder that rediscovery is not just possible but essential to living authentically, regardless of your season of life.